what just happened? WHAT JUST HAPPENED? AOBA.
LET ME EXPLAIN TO YOU WHAT. JUST. HAPPENED.
what just happened is that you just spent the last 23 years of your life living with 2 factions of mental processes in your head that were the Freudian equivalent of the Id and the Superego, both of which had there own separate voices, thoughts, and feelings and you didn’t think this was anything out of the ordinary, considering you were only 4 years old at the time and were completely and totally unaware of the fact that you were a hORRIBLE GENETIC EXPERIMENT GONE TERRIBLY WRONG, THE END RESULT OF WHICH SHOULD HAVE BEEN YOUR DEATH. BUT NO. You were saved by the kind-hearted, angelic neurosurgeon who was in charge of overseeing the growth of you and your equally-freakish twin brother and she was kind enough to throw you in an orphanage and leave you there to live out your days as a girly-looking, blue-haired, superpowered test-tube baby.
Lo and behold, a few years later, who basically kidnaps you and takes you back to their place but the unofficial children of the very same neurosurgeon who was SURE SHE WAS RID OF YOU FOR GOOD and not only do they basically adopt you, but THEY FUCKING UP AND LEAVE YOU THERE WITH THIS POOR OLD WOMAN WHILE THEY GO TOUR THE REST OF THE WORLD LIKE THE DEAD BEAT PARENTS THEY ARE. AND FUCK THE VOICES OF YOUR DISEMBODIED ALTERNATE PERSONALITIES ARE BACK, GIVING YOU MAD HEADACHES, PARANOIA, AND THE WORST KIND OF DADDY ISSUES. So goddamnit, the Id side takes over during puberty and you’re an absolute nightmare to deal with for your poor now-grandma, what with the unfortunate new-found affinity for theoretical digi-violence, horrible fashion choices, and every dick within a 30-mile radius. In fact, you’re such a pain in the ass, your own Superego was like “FUCK THIS” and sauntered into the nearest soul container, which happened to be a robotic blue pomeranian voiced by Barry White.
A few years down the line, you fuck up so bad, you destroy most of your long-term memory, leaving you with little else than basic knowledge of how to put on pants and speak like a human, which is actually kind of okay due to all your childhood memories being wrought with misery, abandonment, and the end result of whatever drugs you did when you were 15. SO YOU’RE 20 NOW and getting fired from menial jobs because you’re still getting the hang of relearning hand-eye coordination and how to add 2-digit numbers. You’re catching up with friends who knew you when you were an asshole and going “wait who are you?” And your robot dog, as far as he knows since he too suffered your brain-breakage, is just a robot dog. You finally find a job, thanks to your ever-present grandma who knows a guy who own a shop that’s one half-eaten cheeseburger away from being a dumpster and he lets you work there as long as you promise not to break more than 2 things a week and at least pretend to be busy. But what do you know? You’re actually pretty good at this whole customer service thing due to the fact that there is a disturbing abundance of creepy guys in town who just loooove the sound of your voice to a point where they’re willing to pay money just to hear it. Haga-san doesn’t seem to have a policy on sexual harassment, nor does he want to go home with less than he can live on, so as long as you continue to use sex to sell his garbage, everything is a-okay!
So more things happen! Dry Juice! Morphine! Toue! Scrap! And soon you’re forced to infiltrate Platinum Jail for the sake of liberty and justice! Ren the robot dog follows you and you two do the deed, dismantling the evil empire of Toue like true pals! But now Ren has a bug that is slowly separating his consciousness from that of the dog body and your only hope of saving your best friend/fuzzy smart phone/dog/once-superego is to find your long-lost twin brother and perform Scrap on yourself. Once you get inside your own mind, it’s finally revealed that Ren was once a part of you and he will continue on to reunite with your consciousness once he leaves the robot body, completing the cycle and finally making you one whole person. One last time, you find Ren there in his toned, sexy online avatar mode and he embraces the subconscious manifestation of you because he’s sad he’ll never see you again as a separate being and you don’t ONCE go “well this is pretty weird” NO. INSTEAD.
INSTEAD AOBA. YOU let Ren push you down into the theoretical ocean off the projection of the beach where your father found you so many years ago just like in your precious childhood memories AND YOU KISS THAT SUBCONSCIOUS MANIFESTATION OF A TWISTED MIX BETWEEN DOG AND MAN RIGHT ON THE MOUTH BECAUSE SUDDENLY YOU FIND YOURSELF SO HORNY FOR THIS MAN-DOG THAT YOU JUST FOUND OUT IS A PART OF YOU. HE WRESTLES YOUR THEORETICAL PANTS OFF AND SHOVES A DIGITAL PROJECTION OF HIS DICK UP YOUR PEACH-SHAPED LITTLE BUTT UNTIL YOU BOTH…or only you…I guess…since you’re the same person CLIMAX. THEORETICALLY. THIS WAS A ROUND OF GAY INCEST/SELFCEST/BEASTIALITY/TAINTING OF CHILDHOOD MEMORIES THAT JUST HAPPENED IN YOUR OWN MIND.
THAT IS WHAT JUST HAPPENED. AOBA.
YOU ARE THE PROTAGONIST. YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE SETTING AN EXAMPLE.
T H IN K O F THE CH IL DR EN.